When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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