i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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