What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
