last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
