I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
