I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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