If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
