gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
