dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
