just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
