i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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