I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
