Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
