hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
