hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
