you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
pray to the hookup gods
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
