apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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