i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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