Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
