The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
