My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
