I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
