Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dicks are not precious.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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