Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
