I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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