I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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