if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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