I just threw up on my dentist
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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