Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
