omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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