no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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