I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
