Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she peed on how many people?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
