Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
