Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
