I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
