I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
