i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
