I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
