Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
