i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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