it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
