The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
