You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
