hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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