There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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