bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
