he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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