yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
