I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
