My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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