im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
