It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
