Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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