I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
