There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
