oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
