i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
